‘That’s no a dragon’ – which EIHL team has the best mascot?

gritty
Be afraid. Photo Credit – Gritty’s Twitter

With the announcement of the Philadelphia Flyers new mascot Gritty, something of a debate occurred on the CTP group chat; which EIHL team has the best mascot?

 

I am unqualified to make this decision. All mascots are valid, and bring joy and entertainment to thousands at each game. However, in the words of hit movie Highlander; “There can only be one!”. Who’s mascot will come out on top? What exactly is Lightening Jack?

And just how many people can I make angry in one post? Let’s go!

Belfast Giants – ‘Finn McCool’

belfast
Belfast Giant, Finn McCool – Photo Credit Belfast Times

Lets get the ball rolling with Finn McCool. I would love to have been a fly on the wall at the Giants merchandising meeting.

“What is the team?”

“Belfast Giants!”

“Ok, and what does the team consist of?”

“Big Irish lads!”

“Right, and what do you want the mascot to be?”

“Eh…. a big Irish lad!”

All jokes aside, I feel like it’s mildly lazy to have a mascot as a person, y’know? However, I do like the nod to the giant’s causeway legend (although am mildly peeved off, given I’m from Scotland). But who are we appealing to with the shirtless-ness? Do mascots feel love? Is this getting weird? You’re damn right it is.

The mini skirt is a choice, and the thigh high boots are questionable.. however I like the colour scheme, and it’s a really good match for the team logo – I’m a fan of consistency.

All in all, a solid design (if a lazy one) from a good story.

Arbitrary Rating – 7.5/10

 

Cardiff Devils – ‘Taz’

Now, there’s some solid association here, we have a Devil as the Devil’s mascot.

devils
Taz and a fan. Photo Credit – Taz’s Twitter

Groundbreaking! Taz is a decent concept, however needs to get his beautician fired. Those eyebrows? Yikes!

I would have liked a slightly more menacing looking devil, this one looks no more menacing that a friendly demon. The wee baby face, the wee baby horns, it just doesn’t scream ‘Guardian of Hell’ to me (However, after the recent 8-1 defeat, maybe the team are scary enough on their own).

However, Taz has met Bruce Dickinson, which makes him cooler than I’ll ever be.

Great concept (even if they didn’t have to look very far), dodgy eyebrows aside I do like the hockey gloves.

Arbitrary Rating – 7/10

 

Coventry Blaze – ‘Scorch’

This is the mascot that started this whole rant; I was under the impression that the

scorch_1
Crikey! Photo credit – Coventry Blaze

Coventry mascot was actually a crocodile.

Perhaps because, y’know, it looks like a crocodile you cannot convincemethatitsadragonitsNOTEVENGOTWINGS aaaaand breathe.

A high quality mascot, Scorch at least looks cheerful (even if he doesn’t look AT ALL like a dragon). I’m assuming ‘Blaze’ –> fire breathing –> dragon? However, he looks nothing like the dragon on the Blaze logo, so I’m dubious (Side note, the logo is cracking, a big menacing blue dragon would have been class and on brand).  Maybe he’s a distant cousin. At least it’s an original concept, even if the execution is a little reptillian.

Arbitrary Rating – 8/10 (would have been a 9 if they admitted he’s a crocodile, just saying)

 

Dundee Stars – ‘The Law Man’

lawman
Laying down the Law

This one took a bit of digging. It seems the Law Man has went back to his day job as no one at the CTP headquarters can remember seeing him, well, anywhere.

Again, Dundee fell into the classic blunder of ‘lets just make the mascot a bloke’, so we’re knocking points off straight away.

The name’s not very catchy, though I love the idea of a lawyer moonlighting as a hockey goon. In my opinion of all the humanoid mascots, this is the peak; He looks like he actually plays the sport (I’m looking at you, Geordie Munro) and the black eyes are a nice touch – however the idea is still somewhat lazy.

Arbitrary Rating – 6/10

 

Fife Flyers – ‘Geordie Munro’

Geordie Geordie Geordie.

geordie
I’ll take the low road (to get away from it) Photo Credit – Geordie’s Twitter

I’m not saying this as a Clan fan. I’m neutral on the whole rivalry, I just like good hockey.

So, from the bottom of my unbiased heart; I am terrified of Geordie Munro. There’s something just so, so unsettling about him. The eyes, the crazy high cheek bones, the tiny wee hat on his big melon head? Frightening.

He is however, the only mascot with his own theme song. My favourite part is the repeating chorus – “Oh no no no no no no, Geordie Munro.” – which is exactly what I say in terror when I enter FIA.

However, I do like the kilt. And as far as I am aware he’s one of only a few mascots who actively skate, so we’re adding back a few points for that. Plus his off ice banter is pretty decent.

All in, I’m still not a fan of humanoid mascots. But, there some nice little details involved here which has bumped our old pal’s score up.

Arbitrary Rating – 8/10 (I’m too scared to score any lower oh god)

 

Guildford Flames – ‘Sizzler’

sizzler
Gimmie an F! Photo Credit – Flames Twitter

Here we have another mascot that falls into the realm of ‘…what is that??’. Sizzler is like the antithesis of the Devil’s Taz – it’s an obvious association, but not an obvious depiction. A flame? A match? A volcano? Jury’s out on that one (but can we get The Law Man to hold up our end of the trial?).

 

Cutting about the rink like an over grown Tweenie, Sizzler is more similar to an anthropomorphic chicken than a flame. And that’s stretching things a little

However, I do like the sunglasses, and the shoes are pretty sweet – whatever its meant to be, can’t deny its got style. Plus Sizzler joins Geordie Munro and Scorch as being the only mascots who skate – so we’re adding some points back in for that.

Despite sharing a name with my local beloved Indian Takeaway, Sizzler doesn’t hold the same place in my heart.

Arbitrary rating – 6/10

 

Glasgow Clan – ‘Clangus’

I never said I was a good journalist. If you want quality journalism I implore you to

clangus
Gies a cuddle! Photo Credit – Al Goold

check out literally any other post on CTP. With that being said, Clangus is undoubtedly and unbiasedly the best mascot in the EIHL.

 

Adorable? Check. Big threatening horns? Check. Current EIHL Mascot Dance-off Champion? Check. Emo fringe? Check.

Clangus has it all.

A stylish mascot, Clangus is well celebrated by fans the league over. Cute, with threatening headgear, they have the stats to back up my (somewhat bold and rambling) claims.

However, I am knocking off a point for the lack of trousers. Maybe steal some style advice from your pal in Kirkcaldy and get a wee kilt going – hockey is a ‘family sport’ after all!

Arbitrary Rating – 9/10

 

Manchester Storm – ‘Lightening Jack’

 

jack
Eyebrows – sponsorded by Nike. Photo Credit – Manchester Storm

Just like the 1994 movie of the same name, Lightning Jack has mixed reviews. My main criticism is that he falls in a strange realm all of his own. We all know now of my strange hatred of human mascots. But is this thing human?

 

I take back my previous Statement on the Devil’s Taz – these are the worst eyebrows in Elite league hockey.

I’m genuinely struggling with this one. The widow’s peak is reminiscent of Dracula, the weirdly square head is very Frankenstein’s monster, the teeth are just downright odd and the nose striking similar to Sam Eagle of Muppets fame. Overall I’m just confused. Is it angry? Happy? Cross eyed? (definite yes to that one).

At least he matches the jersey colour scheme (if a little too well..)

Arbitrary rating – 5/10

 

Milton Keynes Lightning – ‘Pucky’

Finally – a mascot that’s related to ice! And pucks! Score! Pucky is certainly cute: just in a cuddly, lopsided kinda

pucky
Wheeeeee! Photo Credit – Tom O’Connell for MKL

way.

 

With one eye on the fans and the other on the game, Pucky is endearingly charming with his slight ocular challenge – but honestly I think it adds to the effect. It’s very reminiscent of well loved childhood teddy bears.

Again would have loved some little hockey shorts on them, but the trouser free thing adds to the rough and ready, shaggy haired effect to me.

Plus, just look at those sweet wheels.

Bears are meant to be big and scary, so something a little less… terminally delighted (?) would have been great for me; but on the whole I’m a fan.

Arbitrary Rating – 8.5/10

 

Nottingham Panthers – ‘Paws’

paws
The face of an existential crisis. Photo Credit – Paw’s Twitter

I actually really like the design of the Nottingham Mascot – I think it’s a really stylish and well constructed bear What? It’s not a bear?

 

Okay okay, maybe I should have known better (the team’s called the Panthers, hellooo). In my defence, take away the whiskers and you go straight from Bagheera to Baloo.

Panther or bear, I like the design of Paws. Colours tie in well with the team’s brand, and it looks cuddly yet potentially menacing with those big teeth. All in a fun mascot (even if it’s not 100% clear that its a bear. I mean panther. Whatever) (At least they’re both mammals – I’m still not over the Scorch thing. It’s still no a dragon)

Arbitrary Rating – 8/10

 

Sheffield Steelers – ‘Steeler Dan’

Steeler Dan
Square Go! Photo Credit – Steelers Twitter

Oh look. Another bloke. Great.

Steeler Dan is the least human-y of the human mascots (I refuse to acknowledge Lightning Jack as human).

It’s a nice touch putting him in full player kit (is there anything stopping him jumping the boards if players get injured??) – But going by the size of that nose, that helmet is far too small and definitely not regulation.

That moustache looks more like an oversize weetabix, and I feel out of all the mascots – this one being able to skate would make the most sense.

However, he did once get chucked out of a game – so I’m adding a point back in for the sheer absurdity of that situation.

Arbitrary Rating – 6/10

 

Honourable Mention – Edinburgh Capitals – ‘Pawz’

Pause the article for Pawz the Lion. Following the demise of the Edinburgh Capitals,

pawz
Sigh. Photo Credit – Paw’s Twitter

Pawz has found themselves out of action.

Everyone loves a good lion, and we’re all well aware of my love of kilts at this point – plus the standard bonus point for hockey gloves. And Pawz could skate. I know it’s not always possible with some mascots, but it does make me happy when and if they can.

A friendly mascot with a cracking mane – and one hell of a dancer; I for one will miss seeing Paws about the league, and goofing around with the Murrayfield Cheerleaders.

Arbitrary Rating – RIP 10/10

 

Authors note: this article is just a bit of fun. I love all the quirks of the EIHL mascots. If I’ve managed to wind you up, then I’ve done my job. For the love of hockey, don’t message the page and tell them that I’m a muppet – they’re already well aware.

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